Girl, Who nobody Knew!

And the girl with so many dreams finally quite...

Without a final good bye,

She left the things she loved...

Search her not,

For she wound be found in the casket

Wrapped by white cloths...

She will finally lie still. . .

And people who loved her will wonder

'Who is she?'

The haters will talk

About the traumas she caused.

Others will simply muse over her...

Nobody will know the girl in the casket

Quite because she finally knew the truth

That she was a stranger to one and all...

The piano notes will flow over the hall

Carrying some melancholy,

They don't even mean!

And as tears dies she will fly

And the earth will sing

'This was the girl who nobody knew....'

And as she is buried,

The air will sigh,

For the place she took is all empty...

Casket will weight a trifle

For along with her lie her shattered dreams

Wimping over the lost.

And her tomb will read,

Craved in marble,

'A girl who striven for love

Left with none'

Circle of Life: Part 1

The early morning breeze blew her hairs into her eyes. She was in her usual jogging... The same route she had taken since she took up jogging since 3 years back... jogging along the sea shore had never failed to glorify to her morning. No matter how much she cried at night, thinking about her brother she lost...

It was her mistake... she had been careless that day, she was never a rash driver, but that day, she don't know what had happened... one minute she was riding the bike, and teasing her brother about the girl who always shares her lunch with him and the next thing she remember was that tiny lifeless body, cold and stiff lying before her... it was like a waxed statue.... she felt guilty like anything.... She has seen the pain in her parent’s eyes but nobody had blamed. Their silence and acceptance made it harder on her... She could never forgive herself for that....

Since then her days and nights had crawled... it took a solid two year of therapy to at least get the half of her back... Doctor had suggested her to start up jogging; he had said that it would heal her.... And it was working... every time the slow salty breeze caresses her face, she feels a kind of peace... more over the sea and the breeze kind of makes her feel that her chottu is here somewhere... with her....

'Sis, you know you'll meet bhayya from here' he had once told her  while they came for a stroll in the beach a few days before she lost him forever... She had laughed at his childish folly then... Today it makes her cry, to remember those sweet memories that she will never get back now...

Wiping off the tears that she could never stop when she thinks of her little bro, she walked back to her bike and started back  home... to another hectic day ahead....  She did not know what the day holds... She is not worried about that, to be honest.... She knows she can get through the day as long as the memories of her bro stayed with her... And she had gained the strength from the sweeping waves and the blowing breeze...

And she was ready to face another day... Not knowing that after today her life is going to change completely....

The Re-birth Of A Phoenix

'spending the life trying

to make someone happy'-

that was me, for a little while.

then I shut the sham of morality.

going with the flow of time,

On this creek on a golden dusk

is where I reached...

On this evening I stare onto

the river that I floated in..

Before me the water did not flow!

All that flew was my life!

as the tides began, I was taken aback.

The whirlpools swirls around...

The school days I spend alone,

the best friends I gained, 

the other school I attended,

the masked people I met there,

the love I found there,

the betrayal that I endured,

flowing along the river...

one by one they all passed by.

then came the fresh new tides...

into it I plundered,

on the drive to find a shore.

In no hurry I am...

for this  is the one I have waited for...

waving adios to all,

swiming off the desert!

towards the pasture to be found.

no worries and no tension!

for the river will flow...

and in the end, the destiny would be found,

for the happiness is not of people who sit

in despire but of the people who

fights for the same...

Me

Suffice to say my  love for you is masked away by your own stupidity. . . 

guilt doesnt reside here anymore. . .

The vulnerable heart is no more in tune. . .

The watery eyes are cleaned  up. . .

All that left behind is a past that i left back, where it belongs. . .

I m not a fool. . .

No more a beggar. . .

No more a pathetic lonely girl. . .

I AM ME. . .

Born not from the ashes of yesterday but the dreams of tomorrow. . .

Death

Crawling upon the stairs of life

The shadows of death finds the soul.

'Come, come to me' hails their voices

'for peace lies within death'.

Oh, a soul with such pain 

Can no more ignore the sign,

For peace is all that frees a soul

From this binding world of pandemonium.

Yet the binds of life,

Holds her for the moment

Stops the steps with a

Coldness to match the silence.

Looking back to the casket of life

Finding the evergreen roses

Tempted though she was

To retreat. Yet the peace

That the souls crave was

Stronger than the fragrace of rose.

And yes, a final good bye was not

Said, the peace was all she knew at last....

A letter to yesterday

Last Night, Crushing out the waste

With over trembling hands

I sat to write a letter

Aye, A letter to yesterday

Reckoned or unreckoned to a

Yesterday, excepted its seclusion.

And thus I began The letter,

 Aye a letter to yesterday!

'Dear yesterday' and thus I

addressed the past with resignation.

And  I wrote as forth..

Why were you so unfair...

Why did you make a pandemonium?

Was it all a play for you?

Why didn't you stop when I let him go?

Oh, he owns my heart! He owns my soul...

Oh, he owns my heart! He owns my soul...

 Life wasn't fair, so wasn't you.....

You say if all flowers were roses

Then what beauty in a garden...

But oh yesterday you dint even let me be a weed!

Last Night, Crushing out the waste

With over trembling hands

I sat to write a letter

Aye, A letter to yesterday

Reckoned or unreckoned to a

Yesterday, excepted its seclusion.

And thus I began The letter,

 Aye a letter to yesterday!

'Dear yesterday' and thus I

addressed the past with resignation.

And  I wrote as forth..

Pain and Regrets!

Everything has a beginning and an ending. When relating a story we all begin it with, 'once, when i was...', etc., So here is how my story, the real one, begins...


This is not in an 'once upon a time' fashion or a 'long time back' thing. Its rather a very new one, like the latest trend. To be frank it happened just few days back! The day when i realized what it means to achieve some thing!


I am not taking about getting gadgets or any of the stuffs that some people value. I am taking about getting admitted to one of the Top rated law collages in India. 


When one of my friend mentioned law as a profession for me, I laughed at him. But, right now, from where I stand there is no other professions in the world for me except law.( Its laughable). I gave the CLAT 2011 exam with no seriousness and full of over confidence. I din't bother to check the question paper or  attend any  coaching ( i never bother to inquire about any coaching centers either) So that is how i went to attend the exam. But what i saw at the exam center gave me quite a shock. With hundreds of highly trained students, I felt like a numb, But not so much (I still had my over confidence).  The question paper was another shock, but my stupid stub born pride din't let me think of anything but getting in the NUALS. 


Two weeks after the exam the results came. I score 79 marks with 9326 rank. For a student with no coaching to begin with, it was not bad either. But it was no where good to get me into national law collage. Yet my stupid pride din't let me feel bad. I hoped for a seat in reserved category. But alas, they had just 6 seats with 11 students and me being 10th. It bought a crack in my pride. I felt like this is not going to be anywhere near easy. Two days later a notification was again updated in the website about a few vacant seats and candidates who are interested in seeking admission to NUALS must attend the counselling with full preparation to pay the fees on being granted admission. My hopes reached the 7th sky.  And Heart full of hopes and eyes full of dreams I set out for my destination.  But what i never knew was that the original intend of god was some thing else....

By the time i reached there my anticipation was so high! But all it took was just one  look inside the counselling hall to realize that the I am indeed standing on an egg shell. But my heart was not ready to quite. I registered at the counter and went to find a  place in the crowed. But nothing is not that easy. It took them almost 3 & half hours to decide. The longest 3 and half hours of my life. With tension ebbing from the crowed I tried to get lost in my own world. I kept calling and messaging my friends who gave me their full support and prayer and wishes ( Special thanks to them!)  It was during those three hours that I realized the momentum of the thing I was just going to achieve. 


Its said that the fruit of patience is sweet.. but in my case it just din't happened to be so.... after the wait they finally announced the students selected. And there it went down.. every single of my hope... LIKE A SAND CASTLE IN THE WAVES..... The waves left nothing behind.... I was totally broken. But something else made me ashamed of my self.... of my incapability of achieving this....It was nothing but the face of my FATHER after the realizing that I am not in..... I'll never forget the pain in his face... the tears in his eyes that he never bothered to shed.... I left like nothing.... I thought about everything I have done... everything i didn't do..... I felt like I deserved it..... If god has taken me down then and there I would have went without any objection... It was when i realized what it means to live.....My own pain and guilt with my father's pain combined inside me and made an havoc of everything inside and outside of me....


It will take me eons to look in my father's eyes again with out feeling a little of the pain....

But my all so sweet father, all he said was, 'Its okay darling, we still have next year or try for Kerala Entrance. I am sure you'll get through...'

Tiger

Silence! silence! silence! silence!
Like a place awaiting violence!


Nothing moved or nothing mewed,
Like they were all doomed...


'Grrrr!' the violence that killed the silence
Over and over the silence...


More movements and more sounds
and they were out in the open Ground.


The bodies burned with fire.
The eyes focused far, reflected the fury.


Nothing moved or nothing mewed,

Like they were all doomed...

Oh you, people! Look upon their beauty

The beauty of the death deep in their vanity.

But stop! stop and look closer.

Is that hazel depth a reflection of terror!

But what could they fear?, 

The powerful brat of soldier!

Oh then the disaster came the way

'Blaa!' the shot flew along the way..

The breath went up! the breath went down!

The breath went up! the breath went down!

Silence! silence! silence! silence!

Like a place after the violence!

Memories Of A Dream

Last night I was disturbed... It took me long to fall into the obligation of sleep. I knew this for sure because I was staring at the bright clock in the dark room. It was well before 1 AM. I knew something was bothering me but i couldn't see what it was. I concentrated on my inner voice, but i dint hear anything... I turned around the bed wishing for the peace of sleep to find me... And finally I took my mobile, plugged the ear phone and set to hear some melodies....


The next thing I knew was the sound of my mom calling me, 'Wake up. wake up'. the fear in her voice or the coldness of her awoke the usually lazy me in an instant. I looked into her face. In the bright light of the florescent lamp, I saw the tears flowing down her eyes. I felt an odd kind of pain seizing my soul... After a moment I found my voice and asked her, 'Mama what happened?'  Her answer was more tears that squeezed my heart more. 'Mama, tell me what happened?' I shook  her. And in her tears all she managed was a single word, 'DAD......'.For a moment I was stuck in place. I felt the blood leaving my face and the coldness wrapping around me....


I ran to my dad's room.... Did I hit the sofa? I don't remember....All i  remember is the cold, pale, lifeless body of my dad lying on the bed.... I heard someone howling, and realized it was my own voice... Suddenly the force to balance gravity was no more in me..... I dint feel myself slipping down... I didn't feel the tears falling down.... I dint feel the coldness of the floor below me....I dint hear the sounds escaping me. I don't know how much time I sat like that... I wasn't aware of anything other than the fact that my dad is no more. The foundation on which I build my world is no more there... I felt like being crushed... I felt like being teared apart... The person I loved and respected more in the world is no more there.... I couldn't imagine my world anymore.... It doesn't exist....I don't exist... I felt my vision getting blurred...


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I woke up with a rush.. For a minute, I dint know what was happening. I shook my head thrice before I cleared my vision. my eyes were staring at my book self. I turned around but found nothing unusual. I checked the time and it was 7 in the morning.


I realized I was just dreaming... I couldn't stop the sigh that left me. I got out of bed and ran to the living area where my dad sat reading the morning news paper. For a minute I couldn't stop the single drop of tear that slipped from my eyes.... I don't remember how long I  stood there looking at him before he saw me and asked me ' Oh, what happened? You woke up early today'. 


I just smiled at him and went to sit with him........    

  

The Uninvited Visitor

Death is just a closed door away.... how easily people you see regularly becomes people u saw..... How cruelly life brings its twist.... sometimes i wounder how carelessly fate plays with us..... And all that is left to do is stand and watch how the play goes.....