Saturday, July 30, 2011

Tear

And there a drop of tear
slipped from my eye.
I tried to hold them back
to smile fake and dupe the wold...
But the moment did pass 
and so did my tears....

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A letter to yesterday

Last Night, Crushing out the waste
With over trembling hands
I sat to write a letter
Aye, A letter to yesterday
Reckoned or unreckoned to a
Yesterday, excepted its seclusion.
And thus I began The letter,
 Aye a letter to yesterday!
'Dear yesterday' and thus I
addressed the past with resignation.
And  I wrote as forth..

Why were you so unfair...
Why did you make a pandemonium?
Was it all a play for you?
Why didn't you stop when I let him go?
Oh, he owns my heart! He owns my soul...
Oh, he owns my heart! He owns my soul...
 Life wasn't fair, so wasn't you.....
You say if all flowers were roses
Then what beauty in a garden...
But oh yesterday you dint even let me be a weed!


Last Night, Crushing out the waste
With over trembling hands
I sat to write a letter
Aye, A letter to yesterday
Reckoned or unreckoned to a
Yesterday, excepted its seclusion.
And thus I began The letter,
 Aye a letter to yesterday!
'Dear yesterday' and thus I
addressed the past with resignation.
And  I wrote as forth..





Thursday, July 21, 2011

Pain and Regrets!

Everything has a beginning and an ending. When relating a story we all begin it with, 'once, when i was...', etc., So here is how my story, the real one, begins...


This is not in an 'once upon a time' fashion or a 'long time back' thing. Its rather a very new one, like the latest trend. To be frank it happened just few days back! The day when i realized what it means to achieve some thing!


I am not taking about getting gadgets or any of the stuffs that some people value. I am taking about getting admitted to one of the Top rated law collages in India. 


When one of my friend mentioned law as a profession for me, I laughed at him. But, right now, from where I stand there is no other professions in the world for me except law.( Its laughable). I gave the CLAT 2011 exam with no seriousness and full of over confidence. I din't bother to check the question paper or  attend any  coaching ( i never bother to inquire about any coaching centers either) So that is how i went to attend the exam. But what i saw at the exam center gave me quite a shock. With hundreds of highly trained students, I felt like a numb, But not so much (I still had my over confidence).  The question paper was another shock, but my stupid stub born pride din't let me think of anything but getting in the NUALS. 


Two weeks after the exam the results came. I score 79 marks with 9326 rank. For a student with no coaching to begin with, it was not bad either. But it was no where good to get me into national law collage. Yet my stupid pride din't let me feel bad. I hoped for a seat in reserved category. But alas, they had just 6 seats with 11 students and me being 10th. It bought a crack in my pride. I felt like this is not going to be anywhere near easy. Two days later a notification was again updated in the website about a few vacant seats and candidates who are interested in seeking admission to NUALS must attend the counselling with full preparation to pay the fees on being granted admission. My hopes reached the 7th sky.  And Heart full of hopes and eyes full of dreams I set out for my destination.  But what i never knew was that the original intend of god was some thing else....

By the time i reached there my anticipation was so high! But all it took was just one  look inside the counselling hall to realize that the I am indeed standing on an egg shell. But my heart was not ready to quite. I registered at the counter and went to find a  place in the crowed. But nothing is not that easy. It took them almost 3 & half hours to decide. The longest 3 and half hours of my life. With tension ebbing from the crowed I tried to get lost in my own world. I kept calling and messaging my friends who gave me their full support and prayer and wishes ( Special thanks to them!)  It was during those three hours that I realized the momentum of the thing I was just going to achieve. 


Its said that the fruit of patience is sweet.. but in my case it just din't happened to be so.... after the wait they finally announced the students selected. And there it went down.. every single of my hope... LIKE A SAND CASTLE IN THE WAVES..... The waves left nothing behind.... I was totally broken. But something else made me ashamed of my self.... of my incapability of achieving this....It was nothing but the face of my FATHER after the realizing that I am not in..... I'll never forget the pain in his face... the tears in his eyes that he never bothered to shed.... I left like nothing.... I thought about everything I have done... everything i didn't do..... I felt like I deserved it..... If god has taken me down then and there I would have went without any objection... It was when i realized what it means to live.....My own pain and guilt with my father's pain combined inside me and made an havoc of everything inside and outside of me....


It will take me eons to look in my father's eyes again with out feeling a little of the pain....




But my all so sweet father, all he said was, 'Its okay darling, we still have next year or try for Kerala Entrance. I am sure you'll get through...'

Monday, July 18, 2011

Tiger

Silence! silence! silence! silence!
Like a place awaiting violence!


Nothing moved or nothing mewed,
Like they were all doomed...


'Grrrr!' the violence that killed the silence
Over and over the silence...


More movements and more sounds
and they were out in the open Ground.


The bodies burned with fire.
The eyes focused far, reflected the fury.


Nothing moved or nothing mewed,
Like they were all doomed...

Oh you, people! Look upon their beauty
The beauty of the death deep in their vanity.

But stop! stop and look closer.
Is that hazel depth a reflection of terror!

But what could they fear?, 
The powerful brat of soldier!

Oh then the disaster came the way
'Blaa!' the shot flew along the way..

The breath went up! the breath went down!
The breath went up! the breath went down!

Silence! silence! silence! silence!
Like a place after the violence!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Night!

Sitting on the armchair,
On the swings with the-
melancholy of the silence.
I opened my eyes to the
darkness piercing through the air.
Nothing moved or nothing mewed!
cheeraping  of the nightingale near or
did the wind bought the voice?
I know not, for darkness is all!
Upon the swing, the stars
poured the light with
picturesque stillness of the picasso's.
Dripping down the sky,
drops of dew,
washed the depraved face.


Untouched! untouchable forever
the night goes on and on....  



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