The Lunar Magic. . .

The voice the sweet voice around me tempts me to end this . . . they seduce me to an interlude world of peace... They hold my hands steadfast.... like the temperance, like the mirage they show me everything I ever needs and like the mirage they disappear before my eyes.... I wake up from the majestic world of sweet lies. . . A cold harsh wind blew through my soul and chills me to the core.... The red bright round huge moon, O so real... they throw light over my world.... I see them all but they look mesmerizing.... Their profoundness lulls me.... Those trees are no more lifeless. . . They are just enchanted by the beauty of the lunar.... Nothing moves around and then slowly a soft breeze drifts around me... I'm lulled.... I am lost....I'm melting off.... My soul is at peace.... and there is no more me anymore... I am a part of this nature... this moon, these trees...these grasses... I'm yet another piece of those million of pieces of puzzle. ...

The Re-birth Of A Phoenix

'spending the life trying

to make someone happy'-

that was me, for a little while.

then I shut the sham of morality.

going with the flow of time,

On this creek on a golden dusk

is where I reached...

On this evening I stare onto

the river that I floated in..

Before me the water did not flow!

All that flew was my life!

as the tides began, I was taken aback.

The whirlpools swirls around...

The school days I spend alone,

the best friends I gained, 

the other school I attended,

the masked people I met there,

the love I found there,

the betrayal that I endured,

flowing along the river...

one by one they all passed by.

then came the fresh new tides...

into it I plundered,

on the drive to find a shore.

In no hurry I am...

for this  is the one I have waited for...

waving adios to all,

swiming off the desert!

towards the pasture to be found.

no worries and no tension!

for the river will flow...

and in the end, the destiny would be found,

for the happiness is not of people who sit

in despire but of the people who

fights for the same...

Words

The profoundness in my words are not fake.. 
They are born from the aches of my bleeding soul..
The words I paint On the canvas of life is not with colours... 
They are the blood tat flows through my veins...
I am not a poet...
I am only a mirror that reflects the shape of my hailing heart...

A Small puff For Life. . .

Life is one of the weirdest thing, in my opinion. . . Today let me introduce one of my friend who would like to share a  small thought about life. . . . Ladies and Gentlemen, Meet Nijo John, A profound thinker. . . He plays with things that people hesitate to and yet comes out being successful. .  . Once he asked me if I would like to start a blog with him. . . And  I told him I'll think about it. . . Some times back I decided to give him a post in my blog. . .  So here is what he has for my faithful readers. . .  Go through it. . . You wont be disappointed. . . 

 He could be contacted via Facebook and Mail. Here are the address. . . 
 Facebook:Nijo John
 G mail       : nijotjohn@gmail.com
 

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As I watched the smoke swirls in the air, thoughts entered my mind....
Everybody's life is like a cigeratte...
You starts it, when it's burned....
But your inner fire is just obscured by the ash...
At some point you'll have to tap the tip and loose that ash...
Only then the fire will become visible....
But it's everyones own decision, when to tap the tip....
Also give that inner fire a little nudge by inhaling it, to make sure that fire is still on....
Just give your smoke the right conditions....
You'll sure get your fix for life....

(*Warning: Smoking is injurious to health. . .  Please do avoid it at any cost.  . .)

♥You♥

In this world of rush and roll,
I seldom find the reason 
to go on without feeling a numbness. . . 
All it demands is your voice,
and suddenly I feel alive. . . ♥♥♥ 
What is that in your voice 
that creates magic
in and around me??!
I wonder at this pace of time. . .

Death

Crawling upon the stairs of life

The shadows of death finds the soul.

'Come, come to me' hails their voices

'for peace lies within death'.

Oh, a soul with such pain 

Can no more ignore the sign,

For peace is all that frees a soul

From this binding world of pandemonium.

Yet the binds of life,

Holds her for the moment

Stops the steps with a

Coldness to match the silence.

Looking back to the casket of life

Finding the evergreen roses

Tempted though she was

To retreat. Yet the peace

That the souls crave was

Stronger than the fragrace of rose.

And yes, a final good bye was not

Said, the peace was all she knew at last....

Broken

Later when time fell off and days grew colder, they kept drifting apart... Once in a while though they thought, 'Hah, But I miss her', 'Hah, but I miss him'. 


But neither found the courage to go back to each other.... Maybe it was guilt or ,maybe pride that kept them from each other... But whatever it was, the crack grew as the days sped. 


From 'Hi', 'Hello' to cold glances to ice cold silence and finally they could no more bear being in the same room...


They wanted to reach out, pull the past back, to put each others hearts together...  But the pride, that was a living thing, were crawling inside of them and keeping them from reaching out...


And nothing was left to do but the inevitable and they drew apart forever... Never to be back again....

Pain and Regrets!

Everything has a beginning and an ending. When relating a story we all begin it with, 'once, when i was...', etc., So here is how my story, the real one, begins...


This is not in an 'once upon a time' fashion or a 'long time back' thing. Its rather a very new one, like the latest trend. To be frank it happened just few days back! The day when i realized what it means to achieve some thing!


I am not taking about getting gadgets or any of the stuffs that some people value. I am taking about getting admitted to one of the Top rated law collages in India. 


When one of my friend mentioned law as a profession for me, I laughed at him. But, right now, from where I stand there is no other professions in the world for me except law.( Its laughable). I gave the CLAT 2011 exam with no seriousness and full of over confidence. I din't bother to check the question paper or  attend any  coaching ( i never bother to inquire about any coaching centers either) So that is how i went to attend the exam. But what i saw at the exam center gave me quite a shock. With hundreds of highly trained students, I felt like a numb, But not so much (I still had my over confidence).  The question paper was another shock, but my stupid stub born pride din't let me think of anything but getting in the NUALS. 


Two weeks after the exam the results came. I score 79 marks with 9326 rank. For a student with no coaching to begin with, it was not bad either. But it was no where good to get me into national law collage. Yet my stupid pride din't let me feel bad. I hoped for a seat in reserved category. But alas, they had just 6 seats with 11 students and me being 10th. It bought a crack in my pride. I felt like this is not going to be anywhere near easy. Two days later a notification was again updated in the website about a few vacant seats and candidates who are interested in seeking admission to NUALS must attend the counselling with full preparation to pay the fees on being granted admission. My hopes reached the 7th sky.  And Heart full of hopes and eyes full of dreams I set out for my destination.  But what i never knew was that the original intend of god was some thing else....

By the time i reached there my anticipation was so high! But all it took was just one  look inside the counselling hall to realize that the I am indeed standing on an egg shell. But my heart was not ready to quite. I registered at the counter and went to find a  place in the crowed. But nothing is not that easy. It took them almost 3 & half hours to decide. The longest 3 and half hours of my life. With tension ebbing from the crowed I tried to get lost in my own world. I kept calling and messaging my friends who gave me their full support and prayer and wishes ( Special thanks to them!)  It was during those three hours that I realized the momentum of the thing I was just going to achieve. 


Its said that the fruit of patience is sweet.. but in my case it just din't happened to be so.... after the wait they finally announced the students selected. And there it went down.. every single of my hope... LIKE A SAND CASTLE IN THE WAVES..... The waves left nothing behind.... I was totally broken. But something else made me ashamed of my self.... of my incapability of achieving this....It was nothing but the face of my FATHER after the realizing that I am not in..... I'll never forget the pain in his face... the tears in his eyes that he never bothered to shed.... I left like nothing.... I thought about everything I have done... everything i didn't do..... I felt like I deserved it..... If god has taken me down then and there I would have went without any objection... It was when i realized what it means to live.....My own pain and guilt with my father's pain combined inside me and made an havoc of everything inside and outside of me....


It will take me eons to look in my father's eyes again with out feeling a little of the pain....

But my all so sweet father, all he said was, 'Its okay darling, we still have next year or try for Kerala Entrance. I am sure you'll get through...'

Memories Of A Dream

Last night I was disturbed... It took me long to fall into the obligation of sleep. I knew this for sure because I was staring at the bright clock in the dark room. It was well before 1 AM. I knew something was bothering me but i couldn't see what it was. I concentrated on my inner voice, but i dint hear anything... I turned around the bed wishing for the peace of sleep to find me... And finally I took my mobile, plugged the ear phone and set to hear some melodies....


The next thing I knew was the sound of my mom calling me, 'Wake up. wake up'. the fear in her voice or the coldness of her awoke the usually lazy me in an instant. I looked into her face. In the bright light of the florescent lamp, I saw the tears flowing down her eyes. I felt an odd kind of pain seizing my soul... After a moment I found my voice and asked her, 'Mama what happened?'  Her answer was more tears that squeezed my heart more. 'Mama, tell me what happened?' I shook  her. And in her tears all she managed was a single word, 'DAD......'.For a moment I was stuck in place. I felt the blood leaving my face and the coldness wrapping around me....


I ran to my dad's room.... Did I hit the sofa? I don't remember....All i  remember is the cold, pale, lifeless body of my dad lying on the bed.... I heard someone howling, and realized it was my own voice... Suddenly the force to balance gravity was no more in me..... I dint feel myself slipping down... I didn't feel the tears falling down.... I dint feel the coldness of the floor below me....I dint hear the sounds escaping me. I don't know how much time I sat like that... I wasn't aware of anything other than the fact that my dad is no more. The foundation on which I build my world is no more there... I felt like being crushed... I felt like being teared apart... The person I loved and respected more in the world is no more there.... I couldn't imagine my world anymore.... It doesn't exist....I don't exist... I felt my vision getting blurred...


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I woke up with a rush.. For a minute, I dint know what was happening. I shook my head thrice before I cleared my vision. my eyes were staring at my book self. I turned around but found nothing unusual. I checked the time and it was 7 in the morning.


I realized I was just dreaming... I couldn't stop the sigh that left me. I got out of bed and ran to the living area where my dad sat reading the morning news paper. For a minute I couldn't stop the single drop of tear that slipped from my eyes.... I don't remember how long I  stood there looking at him before he saw me and asked me ' Oh, what happened? You woke up early today'. 


I just smiled at him and went to sit with him........    

  

The Uninvited Visitor

Death is just a closed door away.... how easily people you see regularly becomes people u saw..... How cruelly life brings its twist.... sometimes i wounder how carelessly fate plays with us..... And all that is left to do is stand and watch how the play goes.....

Height

Though how my heart cries..
Though how life tries its funny twist!
How far would I manage to climb,
Though the fear of crumbling down? 
Alas my life! Alas the fear!
Oh, how I fear, it's nothing near!

A little Bit of Salt

If life is sweetened  too much Then, my dear, You better add a little bit of salt....as too much sugar is injurious to health

The Door Unlocked

Mistakes happens. Things goes bad. You curse your own people and yourself. You wants to move things but you do not find any way out. You feel like your are doomed forever. Left out. Bla Bla Bla! But the truth is that there is always  ways out. But none of us bothers to find it.


It is like you are in an empty room full of door to outside. In your panic to get out as soon as possible, you push some doors with all of your strength  but none of it opens. You get all depressed and more anxious. You realize (of course not the truth) that all doors are locked and your brain shuts down. So now you don't use your force well enough and no use either!  And finally you accept to yourself that you are stuck.


So now what? More fear and more anxiety. What you don't see is that some doors are in fact unlocked and you could not open them because it didn't use your force wisely and usefully.

This is exactly what happens in life. You Get moved to a mansion called life. There are many rooms, useful ones and dangerous ones. Your ultimate aim is to escape from this mansion without much hurt. There are servants to help you. There are guards to see to that you don't escape. In your worry to get out of the mansion you get stuck in little rooms called problems. You try to escape but you can't. There are doors called solutions waiting for you to open. But in your tension and worries you can't open a single one of them....

So now what? Get stuck in the room??? Of course not!!! You need to escape! You need to reach your goal. So here is what to do... When you get locked in tiny rooms called problems. don't panic, just trust in yourself and believe that some or the other door is unlocked and is waiting for you to  open. Be patient and you will see what patience can do for you.

Enjoy the joy of life, but try to enjoy the sadness more and you will see how much your life has changed . Always remember, Problems are only to let you know your hidden potential!!

The Chain of Life

Walking up the veranda,I saw my grand mom all old and cranky sitting on the chair .I shouted, "Grandma", but she dint answer.


Holding up the fear that ate at my soul, I realized what I 
always feared...She is no more the same and never will be the same She is old and aging as I am writing now...For a  minute the terror of death was too much to par. When the pain ceased  my soul I looked away to the wall. Somehow my eyes fell on the chain that was left at the corner.


It was all strong and new when my grandfather bought it years ago.It had guarded grand dad's bicycle  to grand mom's chest. Now its nothing more than a rusty old piece of metal. Its all weak and no use to anyone and no one seems to care its existence,'Why is the chain lying there', I asked her. Her answer was a cough that went on for a whole minute.It took her another minute to whisper to me that its old and no use now, and she requested me in her fading voice to throw it away to the garbage.

I went to take it and held in  my hands and for a minute the tears slipped my eyes for a moment too deep.I left it in the garbage and walked back with a heavy heart,to a grand mom who is no more the same....

The Chain of Life

( This picture is not taken by me. I was just browsing the web for this and that and suddenly this picture caught my eyes and the caption stuck my brain Hoping to come up with something that match this caption..... )